we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
