Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
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