FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
Randomize
