Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
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