Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
