I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
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