Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
Randomize
