from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
Randomize
