the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize
