Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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