My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Randomize
