i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
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