Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
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