btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
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