Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
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