how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
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