He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Randomize
