I'm going to jail i love you
im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
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