I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Randomize