does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
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