did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
Randomize
