how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
