Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
