Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
