Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
