Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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