yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
Randomize
