Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
