My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
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