I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Randomize
