I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
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