Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Randomize