a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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