All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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