Tell her she can't have a vagina
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
