he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
Randomize
