Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
