just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize
