I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
