I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
