I'm going to jail i love you
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
Randomize