So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
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