oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
