Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
