i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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