The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
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