Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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