There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
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