i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
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