he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
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