Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
This gyro tastes like lonliness
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize