I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
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