HIV tests are more positive than that guy
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
