I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
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