You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
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