Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
Randomize
