did you get engaged???
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
