Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
