Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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