eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
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