shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
