so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
There r osticjed everywhere
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Randomize
